Conquering Fears

Fears are usually related to one to two things.  No, make that three. 

One, there is a reason why you have that fear. For example, you might be afraid of dogs because you have been bitten or badly frightened by a dog in your past.  This is an understandable and rational fear that can be overcome with time and effort.

Second reason for fear is you don't know that particular dog, it is big and it is black. Which recalls some story or movie that you have seen that big, black strange dogs are ravaging creatures who eat people just because they can. This automatically triggers fear, which is a little irrational, but it is fear nonetheless and can paralyze you if you allow it that power, or you can choose to take charge in that situation and open yourself up to the reality of the present moment; which is neither a work of fiction or a film.

Thirdly, fear can be attributed to the unknown.  You have never seen this sort of dog, and are unaware of their behavior traits, therefore you are unsure as to how well they respond to new people.  This third type of fear is validated, and does call for caution and investigation.  This requires active participation and interaction.  It is perhaps the most challenging type of fear to overcome for most people.

This weekend, I conquered my fear of the riding lawn mower.  This may not sound like a big deal to a lot of people, however, for me, it was.  Fifteen years ago, when we moved into the house, my husband brought home a riding lawn mower.  We live on just under an acre of property, and I grew up in the suburbs in California, which has a considerably less property size lot than the suburbs of Massachusetts.  Trying to channel into my old tomboy days, I started up the mower, having no clue how to operate it, and promptly crashed it into the garage door.  No real damage was done, other than my ego being very bruised.  For the next 15 years, my husband has told everyone that story when they comment on the lawnmower.  He taught all three of our kids how to use it, but told me I was forbidden, in case I crashed it again.  So, this weekend, while he was gone, I decided it was now or never.

I watched a YouTube video on how to start up the mower properly, went out to the shed and rolled the mighty fearful machine out onto the lawn.  Safe from running into anything, just in case things got away from me in a hurry.  Recalling the details of the video, I followed the directions completely.  The next thing I knew, I was mowing the back yard, and I did a fine job, if I say so myself.  I rolled into the front and finished that too.  Afterward, I stood there looking at the mower which had intimidated me to 15 years and laughed.  I did it! I conquered the lawnmower and faced my fear of going anywhere near it.  I do feel stronger and more independent as a result.

Earlier this summer, I faced and conquered another fear. I submitted a piece of my writing to a contest held by the Carve Magazine.  As a writer, exposing your work, even on a blogging level, is in an essence exposing yourself, leaving you feeling very vulnerable.  Personally, I do not know anyone who likes the feeling of vulnerability.  That arena of uncertainty, risk, fear of failure or rejection is not a comfortable place to be.  I pulled out a story that I had been working on for a few months, dusted it off, polished it up, named it, and formatted it according to the guidelines of the contest.  And just like that, I submitted it.  I had put it in the back of my mind, until this morning when on my Twitter account, I read "We're getting close to wrapping up our first round readings for the contest. Some notices will go out beginning mid-August." 

Again, comes up a rush of emotions, but not fear, this time it is more like anticipation, excitement, curiosity and hope.  A lot like a small child at Christmastime, wondering and hoping that Santa will bring them exactly what they have wished for in their heart.  In my case, I am very hopeful for first place. But if I don't get it, that is okay, because I have taken the first scary step of submitting my work, and I am not afraid to do it again.  I now know how, and it isn't that hard.

As Evelyn Couch, in Fried Green Tomatoes, said when taking her first swing with her sledge hammer to knock down a wall that needed moving "Towonda!"  Find your inner strength and conquer those inhibitions, if I can do it, so can you!

Hoping you discover new found strength and peace,
Cindy